What is it like raising a child with Autism?

Some days it feels downright impossible. It hurts all over. Autism often manifests itself in physical aggression, and guess who takes the brunt of it?

Every potential move I make as a parent is internally scrutinized and calculated as to avoid a meltdown.

Any missed Occupational Therapy (OT) session opens the gates for chaos, and Autism’s grip will be that much stronger, affecting not just our day but our entire week.

If we allow it, Autism will take hold of everything we do, ruling with an iron fist that leaves everyone bloody and damaged.

Sometimes I yell. I lose my patience when Autism gets the better of me. Yes, I have yelled at my son while he was exhibiting Autistic tendencies. I’m human. It’s humbling to share, but it’s real.

Half the time I’m lost and scared to misstep, because I’m constantly implementing therapy. Every day. All day. Sometimes the therapists are even confused, which leaves me wondering: if the professionals are lost, then who’s really in charge? Autism?

These are the scary emotions and thoughts that no one wants to hear or share, but they are real. They are also mixed with the greatest love and joy any mom could ever ask for.

Yesterday was a horrible day for us. No structure. No OT; trapped at home. It was bad!

Then suddenly after a raging storm, Charlie crawls up in my lap, wraps his sweet, precious hands around my neck and laughs infectiously as he lets me kiss him all over his face.

We toggled between chaos and calm all day. All the horrible above emotions were intertwined with peace, joy, grace, laughter, and love.

All these emotions and thoughts are jumbled together, packaged, and tied with a crooked, mismatched yet beautiful bow.

This is what it’s like raising a child with Autism.

Sometimes the days feel downright impossible to tackle, but God gives us these tiny glimpses of reality and joy as we navigate through the rough patches. I’m praying that God bombards you with these glimpses of hope, love, and joy; I pray these wonderful moments silence the defeating emotions.

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