- Your idea of wine and cheese drastically changes. Speaking of wine, a beer and chocolate have become suitable dinner replacements.
- You’ve pinned over 1,000 freezer meal ideas but have yet to try one. Your go to dinner staples are chicken anything for you and your husband, and chicken nuggets or PB&J for the kiddos, always throwing a little fruit in for good measure.
- Daily you hear uplifting comments like: “Mom, you have a million hairs. I think you have more than Dad.” Or “Why is your bottom so squishy?” You just ignore them because you’re too busy wiping butts or making a bazillion snacks for your bottomless pits. Who has time for self esteem anyways?
- You take community showers. That is until your 5 year-old has a million questions about your lady parts like: “Where is your penis?”, and “Dad’s penis is huge. Will mine be that big?” He now showers alone.
- You hear the most ridiculous comments from strangers like: “Were they all planned?” Yes! Thank you very much, but it is really none of your business anyways! My favorite question is: “Are they all from the same dad?” We’ve been asked this question numerous times even followed by: “Are you sure?” Really, people?
- The barista at the Target Starbucks is your new BFF. You talk to her more than you talk to your own friends, because who can really hear over all the yelling, sword fighting, and farting going on in your house. With 4 boys, there is A LOT of farting!
- Speaking of Target, this is your new vacation spot. They have everything you need: popcorn to quiet the kids, coffee for your sanity, and retail therapy all packed into a nice shiny red box that opens at 8 a.m. for your mommy pleasure. I’ve been to Target at 8 a.m. numerous times, and it’s glorious!
- Your house is “the house”! You have the coolest toys and possibly the craziest kids. Everyone wants to join in the fun, so be prepared to host a lot of play dates. After all, it’s always a “crazy party” at your house. Plus, no one wants 4 crazy boys wrecking their barely child proofed house, because most of your friends have 1 or 2 kids.
- You want friends, but you are too tired to even communicate with anyone! No one seems to understand this, not even your closest buds who have now been replaced by your BFF barista at Target.
- Date nights often end at the grocery store or Home Depot. You’ve even just sat in the car alone at the end of your block, enjoying the solace of a kid free zone. Plus, if you went home, you’d have to put the kids to bed, and everyone knows you have a love/hate relationship with bedtime.
Happy Friday! Here’s to finding humor in the craziness of motherhood! I promise it gets easier!
Dammit. I wish I lived near you.
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